Please never say these phrases under any circumstances. When someone I know (or don't know) mutters one of these I have this strange desire to push them off a tall building or trip them as their walking down the stairs. (Note, some of these ideas came from another website but I agree and will voice my opinions/facts differently (for the most part).)
"That's just your opinion." - ORLY? BKUZ IM TOO STUPED TO EVER B RITE!!! No duh, if it isn't my opinion then what is it? The only thing else it could be is a fact and you wouldn't want that, would you? So thanks but no thanks Captain Obvious, I already know what it is and your pointing it out just makes you look like a farm animal. Shut yo' mouth.
"Some of the best things in life are free." - Yeah, well, so are most of the worst, so if you're expecting anything free expect it to suck.
"Takes one to know one!" - So you admit that you're exactly what I just called you. Even if it were true, we basically both just called each other the same thing and are now back to square one. Except your comeback sucked because you didn't think of anything new, you just essentially copied mine. So I take back what I said; I'm at square 1, you're at square negative 5000.
"You can be whatever you want when you grow up." - False. That is most likely not true. I know most kids wanted to be either a professional sports player, an astronaut, firefighter/policeman, or beautician/fashion designer, along with being filthy stinking rich. Well I can tell you with almost absolute certainty that none of these people will ever be any of those things, especially rich. I hope their backup career was sitting at a desk for eight hours a day or they're gonna feel screwed.
"I already told you..." - Why is this even relevant? If I remember that you told me whatever it was and you remind me that you did, you aren't actually telling me anything new. You're just insinuating that I don't listen when someone talks to me - an implied accusation that only serves to aggravate. You are, in essence, just reminding me that you can, like everyone else, move your mouth to form words. Way to be at the top of the food chain. In the event that I actually don't remember what you said, the fact that you are reminding me doesn't do me one bit of good. "Oh, you already told me, well now I'll remember it twice as much!" I'll probably kidnap your dog, tape him to a carousel, and spin him around until he becomes a daschund too. Same chances.
"This can't be happening!" - If it is then it
can be happening, in which case, you're wrong. And if it is in fact completely not possible with any margin of possibilty, then everyone else probably realizes it too. The only difference is that now everyone wants to send you to the Amish camp because you're either being Captain Obvious again or just going around acting like a retard, saying things that don't make sense. Either way, it's no good. The only thing that matters when you say phrase is how loud and how repetitively you say it. The more you do, the higher the chance of your asassination.
"The Grass Is Always Greener on the Other Side" - So does the guy with the greener grass think that your grass is greener? I don't think so. This "proverb" is misleading when taken literally, but the basic idea is that you always want what you don't have. I'm sure there are millionaires crying themselves to sleep at night because they wish they were in high school, taking retarded tests, living with their parents in a cramped apartment in the bad part of town, and having to work at McDonalds. Fact is, sometimes nobody envies you. There's a bottom of the chain and it's probably you.
"Give 110%!" - I'm not sure how much the human body can give, but it goes without saying that 100% is the maximum level of any measurable identity. Assuming that identity is how far you can push your body's limits, 100% is defined to be the absolute most you can "give" to whatever it is you're exerting yourself for. By telling someone to give more than 100% you are saying "It is physically impossible for me to survive anything higher than a 220 foot fall, but today i'm going to jump off of a 242 foot-tall ledge." Good thinking wise guy, try it and let me know what happens. Be sure to give me the keys to your car and number to your bank account before you give your 110%.
"You know?" - It's bad enough that some people insert this onto the end of their sentences, such as, "I'd steal a kidney for that car, you know?" What makes it even worse is when people insert it in-between every pause in the sentence. "I went outside yesterday and, you know, it was cold, so, you know, I went inside and, you know, I put on, you know, a jacket." That sentence only required 17 words and you used 26. That's a 35% waste of my time and a 100% beating a-comin'. You know?
I make it sound like I'm addressing you personally, but it only applies if you actually use these phrases. Now that you know them and understand why your life will be up to but not exceeding 100% better by never using these inane sequences of words, please think about what you say before you say it. It may make the difference between the $600,000 salary and the job shoveling waste into a giant furnace. It might be worth it.
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