I decided to do a Google image search for the word "coward" (much the same as the previous one about "success") and here's what I got.



Yeah, this coward got just what he deserved. A black eye! Actually, I think most kids are cowards and with good reason. They can't take anybody on if they need to. I think this picture was from a play or something but still. That's a very convincing eye job you've got there, Timmy.




I'm not sure what this is referring to, but I'm much more entertained by the guy in the top right. He seems to me smiling a little too wide for me to be comfortable. And what's he doing with his hand? Practicing his onion chop? Yeah, slice and dice baby. Practice makes perfect, and what better place to practice than a basketball game? Though the guy holding the sign doesn't look too much more courageous to me. He's hiding in its shadow with a look of timidity on his face. "Why don't you come over and say that to my face, tough guy? ...Oh, crap."




'Ello, guvnah! This is a wild giggling coward. This is an airplane pilot at a conference after he consciously flew a plane filled with 320 passengers into the side of a mountain, killing most of them. Then the plane tumbled down into the ocean, killing the rest. Oh, yeah, he ejected himself before doing so, calling it a "necessary evil." He doesn't look too torn up about it. Maybe I'll do one of those mythical "necessary evils" involving pushing him off a tall building (without a parachute this time). Just so he can know what it feels like.




This picture, to me, is simply scary. Daddy's smile is less "fatherly love" and more fatherly "one day I'm going to snap and set the house on fire, boarding up all the exits, and waiting for you with a chainsaw as you come out the only door." Or something like that. Girly's smile says she knows what I just said and is clearly worried about it but hasn't confronted Charles about it yet. One day. Hopefully she won't wait too long or she'll be barbecue. Not much to say about momma except that I think she's a werewolf. There are tell-tale signs, you know. Finally, Charlie Jr. on top left is doing the whole "I'm awesome with a half-thumb in my pocket" gesture and secretly wishing that girls did in fact like his mullet. (They don't.) (And never will.) But it's ok, because one of them is a coward. I just can't tell which.




This is ShaQawna. She knows she's going to get caught for robbing a bank tomorrow and thinks mugshots are ugly. Like a good coward, she's getting hers done ahead of time to make sure all her features come out just right. And she did a good job - the mustache was the first thing I saw.




Johnny ran and hid under his covers from a monster. Because he's so scared, he has to remind himself to be quiet (hence the finger). I'm assuming it actually is his finger because anything otherwise would raise more questions than I would feel comfortable answering.


And there's another edition of Image Results!

In life, there's nothing more fun than to make yourself a social outcast. To help you in your quest to be completely unlikable, I'll give you a few guidelines as to how to go about being a total douchebag.

• Never shower
• And I mean never. It's ok to occasionally wipe yourself off with paper towels, especially if you've been rolling around in the mud (Or in your own bedsheets that haven't been washed in a few years. I mean, they used to be white but now they appear to be some combination of brown, yellow, and ... green?).
• If you have to be outside in the rain, use an umbrella. That way a minimal amount of sludge will get washed off of your skin, hair, and clothes. The grungier you are, the better.
• Pretend not to know how to say common English words
• "Yesterday I went to McDonalds to, uh... eat. Yeah, and after I did that I was sitting in my... what do you call it? Car, yes, that's it."
• Alternatively, you could use irrationally big words to describe simple things, such as "Yesterday at noon I ate."
• "Sometime less than twenty-four hours ago just as the Latin sol appeared to approach complete right angle status with respect to the Tellurian Sphere in our Milky Way Galaxy, particles composed of proteins and sugars moved in space in a directional vector toward the cavitas oris (also known as: mouth) so as to fulfill my desires to survive by consuming energy-providing molecules at a macro scale."
• If you were to translate everything you say into this kind of expanded language, imagine how much of other peoples' time you could waste!
• Additionally, you could just stop talking mid-sentence and draw little figures in the air with your finger or pretend to not know how to speak english at all. Just mumble in short gibberish phrases every once in a while and expect the other person to know exactly what you're talking about.
• Litter
• Look for ways beyond being lazy to toss items that don't belong in certain places into those certain places, especially if it provides an inconvenience for a maximum number of people.
• You could make it personal by ripping the shirt off a person walking down the sidewalk next to you and throw it into the dirtiest puddle you can find. Advantages and disadvantages to performing such an act on a male or female bystander:
  
• Males - They're stronger than females so if they decide to give you a beating, a beating it shall be. Unless it's a puny little white kid, in which case you may as well go for his pants too.
• Females - Not necessarily as strong, but their anger may provide an adrenaline rush seeing as how it's way more inaproppriate to remove a woman's shirt without her consent. Plus they have longer fingernails, sharpened to kill. And who knows what's in their purses?
• You can take hard, especially breakable, object and throw them at passing cars. This can be done either while standing, on bike, or in a car.
• Car - You'll have to be driving and throwing at the same time, and that could be difficult. Unless you have a potato gun, in which case the fun factor overwhelms everything else. Especially if you're shooting at cops. I don't advocate this in any way.
• Bike - You won't be able to carry as much ammunition as standers or car-ers because it's just you, a bike, and your backpack. A few good glass bottles should do the trick.
• Standing - You'll be able to hit more cars and have a virtual endless supply of ammunition. You can throw anything from rubber balls to aforementioned glass bottles and even large rocks, bowling balls, and television sets.
• Of course, there's always the good ol' method of throwing trash out your window or on the ground when you've finished eating your 81st twinkie.
  
• "Use the restroom" in public. But without the restroom. Do it in a place as dense with bystanders as possible. 'Nuff said.
• Use your car like a pair of shoes and drive over everything.
• Shout "Hey, what's up buddy!?" as you're driving over his lawn up to his front door in your crew cab pickup truck. Have a conversation with him as he stares at you for making huge gashes in his lawn and then peal out of there, spraying as much mud, grass, and dirt as you can at his windows, car, and clothes.
• This tactic is especially useful if you have a lot of gardener friends as they'll have a lot of "open space" that you can drive on and destroy, allowing you to get as close as possible to him/her as you're conversing. Also, it makes your car nice and pretty after a few runs what with flowers and vegetables sticking out of your grill and whatnot.
• Take things off other peoples' plates when at restaurants
• While talking, reach across the table and grab your buddy's girlfriend's fresh buttered roll right out from under her nose while telling the whole table about how you once caught a fish with your teeth and skinned it with your ear. This will impress them and show them who's really in charge - you.
• You can either be very sneaky about what you take, who you take from, and who sees you do it. It just depends on environment variables such as table size, amount of friends present, amount of food remaining, amount of collective hunger remaining, and how many jail sentences you've already served in that county.
• Don't be afraid to spice things up by changing these guidelines a little bit. For example, instead of taking you could be courteous and give. Don't like that gravy that came with your mashed potatoes? No problem. Just spoon it onto that lady's spaghetti. She'll probably enjoy it!
• Write insane blogs about things that don't matter.
• Trust me, I've never made more friends than by doing this right here.
• No, really.
• I like having at least three bulletins on each list, OK?

Clearly, I believe I have shown several ways for you to cut out the middleman and go straight for the glory. It's more important that you enjoy your methods rather than optimizing them for effectiveness because, let's face it, you aren't going to have much fun afterward anyway! Happy alienating!

Sometimes you look at a person and say, "This person belongs to stereotype X. I don't like those kinds of people." Sometimes it's hard to put your finger on exactly what group they are in, though. This is why today I will attempt to make clear certain stereotypes and show how to deal with its people.


Stereotype: Person who always has a fancy-szhmancy Bluetooth phone headset on.
Problem: Aside from the fact that they usually just look retarded, you never can tell if they're talking to you or to someone on the phone. For example, if you're taking their order or checking them out in a line, you always have to look up to see if they're talking to you, even if they say the stupidest things. Sometimes they can say things to their conversation buddies that mess you up, such as "no, don't do that, you're an idiot," or my personal favorite, "I'm going to take you out back and murder you."
Solution: None. Or, if you're bold, ask the person to hang up. Or, if you're really bold, you can take ask them to politely remove the headset and hand it to you. You then promptly break off the earpiece and then throw it out as far into nature as your arm will allow. You then ask them, "Would you like fries with that?"

Stereotype: Slow-walking person in front of you (in a tight space).
Problem: You just can't pass them. It's like you're stuck behind them but you can't ask them to move faster. You're stuck in the slow lane and everybody is passing you by. Kind of like a retard mistakenly enrolled in the regular Olympics.
Solution: You actually could ask them to move faster. Sometimes though it's just old people who can't hear very well so you may have to take more drastic action depending on the rate of slowness and length of said space. Alternatives of action might be something as simple as edging around them, as sneaky as crawling under their legs, or as violent as punching them in the back of the head or shoving them into the aisle full of knives. Your call.

Stereotype: Big fat guy in front of you in line at insert_restaurant_here (though probably McD's)
Problem: Pretty much everything. I mean, you're standing behind a big fat guy. The only time it wouldn't be a problem would be if you have a strange fetish for obesity. (Shun!)
Solution: Um, well, this is the part where you get to be creative. It could be something as simple as secretly exchanging his cup full of waist-size-increasing soda for a good ol' cup-o-water when he isn't looking (but he'll probably notice). What might do it is if you "accidentally," I don't know, "trip" and push him over the counter. Maybe he'll slide on his skin-grease all the way back into the kitchen and realize what kind of crap the place is really pumping out and see the disgusting unhealthy nature of the double bypass...er double quarter pounder that he's shoving down his gullet. The last alternative would be to steal his wallet since, let's face it, he can't feel anything in that huge behind area of his.

Stereotype: Douchebag Frat Boy
Problem: We all know the disposition of these "better-than-you" guys (or in some cases girls) who would like nothing better to grab the rest of their homosexual fraternity brothers, circle around you, and sing Kumbaya while roasting hot dogs... in a fire that you seem to be directly in the middle of.
Solution: Unfortunately, these kinds of people are usually hopeless. Now I'm not saying all frat boys are douchebags, I'm saying that all douchebag frat boys fall under this category. Sometimes the only way to kick a guy's butt nice and hard is with love. Lots of it. So much love it's like a cupid shooting an arrow into a chapel where 9000 couples are getting married and having their honeymoons in the same room. Too much? Yeah, bad mental picture. Your best bed bet will be to pretend to like him and get along while avoiding him at all costs when he and his brothers are doing... whatever it is that they do. I have not hinted at that up in the previous paragraph. Also, if he is a fat ogre he might fall into the previous catagory so both solutions may apply.

Stereotype: Illegal Mexican Immigrant
Problem: They're everywhere. And stealing our jobs.
Solution: Quit complaining. They do the jobs you wouldn't want to do with a better attitude and higher quality than you would give while you are being paid more money for the exact same job. If you don't like it, then you suck it up and do what it takes to be respected in your workplace. If you don't, someone else will and I can't guarantee they'll be here legally. Although if they are, a good towel soaked in chloroform + taking his keys and stealing his blue/green 84 Chevy pickup + driving him to the local immigration office while still unconscious may work wonders. Just be prepared for his amigos as you walk out because you'll be in for a fiesta you never thought could be so crazy. (Word of wisdom: a concealed handgun license is attainable in Texas. Use with extreme caution.)


So this is my quite abbreviated list of peoples to look out for and deal with accordingly. Now for some quick testimonials:

"Before gaining the widsdom that only Drew can give, I was but a mere peasant of knowledge. Now that I have cold hard facts to back up my intuition about stereotypical groups, I can deal with them in the best way possible! Thanks for making my life so much easier!"
- Dwayne, Michigan

"I used to hate everyone without a reason. Now I have good reason to hate specific kinds of people. Boy, does this make me feel better about myself!"
- Richard, Idaho

"I think I fall into one of these categories... Better change my act up real quick!"
- Mason, New Jersey

"What did you say happened to those Christmas lights I thought I threw away last year?"
- Dave, Alabama

"I'm crushing my Bluetooth headset as we speak. Now I know why people's disposition changes when I threaten to mass murder my coworkers! Thanks for simplifying my life and making me less hated as a human being!"
- Shelly, California

"Ayayaye!"
- Carlos Juan Salvador-Luis Monterrey Lopez, Undisclosed location


So as you can see, real people's lives have been changed by a few words of wisdom. Well, except for that one hating guy. Don't know what his problem is...
Anyway, don't be afraid to cross-stereotype people. Some people will fit well into two or more categories (or possibly all five). In that case, use your best judgment. Also, leave me a comment and tell me what you think about my inerrant advice or any extra nuggets of information you might share with me and my slew of readers.

You can define "success" many different ways, but most people consider it the accomplishment of a goal (and some say it's a journey... whatever that means). For some reason I Google searched this word and found some interesting images. Some of them are pretty closely related to the definition, others... well, I think sometimes a picture needs to say more than a thousand words to explain itself. Take a look and see if you can explain to me some of these lesser-understood pictures.



This begs the question, does the person who crush dreams consider himself "successful" if he crushes someone's dream? I just wonder, because if he failed then one could say that the proverbial receiver crushed the dreams of the proverbial tackler by not letting himself be tackled. The basic idea is that for every choice one makes, someone else's dreams are being crushed. Not depressing at all...





I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I'd be willing to guess that if this bird isn't successful in flying, he gonna be dead.





Got me.





Nothing like the average white family getting together to take pictures. The one on bottom looks strangely happy to be piggybacking his mom and his dad at the same time. And as for the dad, I don't think I ever see normal people smile that wide.          





I'm sure this is completely normal in his country. However, there's something strange and disturbing about the picture that I can't quite put my finger on...





The day I let that man touch my children is the day I start injecting myself with poisons, eating raw squids, and shoot myself in the leg for fun. This pseudo-Robin Hood wannabe looks like he's trying to portray an Easter bunny crossed with a Viking crossed with Satan. If not, that's the just the second-freakiest bunny outfit I've ever seen. (see also: freakiest ever)





I can't tell if that's a grin or a scowl on his face but either way, it looks like he's about to have himself some party-time!!!





Yo, I'm up in da hizzouse bringin down da beats at SuccessTech Academy. We gonna bust it up real hard in 'dis school district.
I'm just playing, I'm sure that half-hearted smile means "Everything's a-OK here at STA. We are certainly not gangsters and we do not have any beef with anyone. We definitely do not have daily shootouts here because we are peaceful like a summer sky." Oh, and he's just pointing at me because he likes me, not cuz I'm next. ......





Yes.


As you can see, many different people have many different takes on what it means to be successful. You may believe differently, but that's ok because we all have different ways of letting the world know, "I rule!" Let me know if you find any weirder representations of success because that mouse looks like it has some serious problems.

Satanism, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t involve drinking goat blood from iron goblets while praying oaths to the devil. Satanists don’t even believe the devil exists. In Satanism, the devil merely “represents” an idea that Satanists live by, which is basically “You are your own God, do whatever you want”. This is what makes Satanism the antithesis of Christianity, not virgin sacrifices or flaming pentagrams.

Satanism is actually the most basic way of human thinking; most people I know (including Christians) adhere (albeit unknowingly) to Satanic doctrine. According to Anton Lavey’s “Satanic Bible”, here are a few of the “9 Satanic Statements”:

-Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!

-Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!

-Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!

-Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!

-Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!


Where as Christianity is completely based on love for everyone, including enemies and those who deserve love the least, Satanism is based on giving love to those we deem worthy of love. Where as Christianity is based on turning the other cheek and no retaliation against those who harm us, Satanism is based on self-appointed ideas of justice and vengeance. Where as Christianity is based on the notion of faith and believing in what is unseen and spiritual, Satanism is based on physical reality and tangible existence.

Sadly, this is the way most people (including Christians) operate. People are naturally inclined to selfishness, which is the driving core of Satanism, repaying kindness for kindness and evil for evil. We give kindness, love and respect to those who give it to us, to those who “deserve” it. After being violated in some way, our obligation to love and respect a person becomes vanquished. According to the Bible, our obligation to love those who violate, hurt, persecute and destroy us not only remains, so does our obligation to humbly serve them, just as Jesus did and does for those who violate, hurt, persecute and destroy him.

Andrew Murray talked about how humility was the identifying characteristic of Christ, and that all the humility you have within you is straight from God. However much pride you retain however, is completely of Satan. This is why Satanism is what it is. Satan represents the absence of humility, putting oneself before all else rather than putting EVERYONE else before oneself.

Philippians 2:3 says: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

The conclusion is that Satanism isn’t what most people imagine it to be, in fact, there are Satanic “principles” that discourage immoral things like violence and “unwarranted” cruelty. But what it is still embodies pure evil according to Christian theology.

The antithesis of Christianity often runs in conjunction with traditional human pride, which is essentially of the devil himself. This must be what Christ was talking about when he said we’d have to “deny ourselves”. Anytime we ignore the road less traveled and look out for our own interests first, retaliate, seek our own ideas of justice and what is fair… we are following Satanic doctrine.


This was taken from Showbread's website and I take no credit for it. I know a lot of people have a misunderstanding of Satanism so I thought I'd just throw this out there.